|
|
By Rose Thorne
~Standard Disclaimers Apply~
Chapter Two
Hiei woke slowly, sluggishly becoming aware of his surroundings. The temple . . . K'so. I'm not dead. He looked at his wrists and smirked slightly as he saw the scars. He could try again. They had stopped him this time, but he could always finish the job later.
"Don't even think about it." Hiei blinked, startled, turning to see who had spoken. Yuusuke sat by the wall, his face stony. The fire demon's eyes widened at he looked at Yuusuke's eyes. They were filled with anger and betrayal, similar to how Kurama's had looked. "What the hell were you thinking?!"
Hiei sighed, pointedly turning his face away. "Doing you a favor."
Yuusuke's eyes widened as he stared at Hiei. "You think trying to kill yourself was a favor to me?! You selfish little bastard!" Hiei said nothing. Yuusuke forced himself to calm down, staring at the fire demon. Shock filled him as he realized exactly what Hiei had said. "You think I want you dead?"
"Hn."
That probably means yes . . . knowing Hiei. "Hiei . . . You're my friend. I don't want you dead. I would be upset if you died." Hiei gave no reaction. "Don't you understand that?"
"We're not friends," Hiei muttered bitterly. "We're only allies. You don't need me anymore."
What the hell?! "That's bull and you know it, Hiei. If we were just allies, would we have tried to get you to join us and have fun? We consider you a friend, Hiei. Why can't you understand that?" Hiei muttered something that Yuusuke didn't hear. "What?"
The fire demon sat up, glaring at Yuusuke. "There is no such thing as 'friends.' Not for me. The only worth I ever had in the 'group' was to fight. Don't bull shit me, Yuusuke. You can't just waltz in and decide to care about my life when all I want is for it to end!" The fire demon looked away. "I'm tired of fighting, Yuusuke. Why can't you understand?"
Yuusuke glared at Hiei. "You're right. I don't understand how someone who has friends who care about him could want to die. And I don't understand how someone who I thought was smart turned out to be so dense." The ningen sighed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there are worried people who were waiting for you to wake up." Yuusuke rose. "And this room is surrounded by a kekkai that's designed to keep you in it, so don't bother trying to leave." The raven-haired boy left, slamming the door loudly behind him.
Why do they care? It's not as if my life benefits them. Or even means anything. Why the hell do they want me to stay alive?
The door opened and Kurama came in, closing the door behind him and leaning against it. He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Hiei icily. After a few moments, the fox spoke. "You hate us that much?"
Hiei blinked. Hate them . . .? "No."
"Then why did you try to commit suicide, Hiei?" The fire demon didn't answer. "Self-hatred?" Hiei flinched and Kurama sighed. "You have no reason to hate yourself, Hiei." The redhead crossed the room and sat on the floor by Hiei's futon, his face weary. "It's our fault. If we'd known that you didn't feel welcome, we could have done something. But now . . . Now we don't know what to do. All we know is that we should have noticed."
Hiei said nothing. Why do they blame themselves? It's my fault. I never should have been born. I was just trying to correct that mistake . . .
"I'm sorry, Hiei."
Hiei clenched his fist. "It's not your fault, so stop blaming yourself." Why? Why do they care so much?! "I should have died a long time ago. I'm just correcting that mistake." There. I said it. Not that they care how I feel. But they won't stop me next time.
Kurama just stared at him for a while. "You know, Hiei, I may be a youkai, but I will never understand you." He stood. "Now that we know that we can't leave you alone, we'll have to figure something out. You may want to die, but we aren't going to let you." The fox left the room, closing the door behind him.
Hiei sighed and flopped back on the futon. I don't get it. Why do they care?!
The door opened again after a while and Kuwabara stepped in. He just stood there, staring at the fire demon for a few minutes before speaking. "You know, Hiei . . . I'd never thought of you as weak until now. You're such a coward."
Hiei lay there, shocked, for a moment, then sat up, his brow furrowed, but the door was already closed again and the room empty except for him. K'so! What did he mean by that? He scowled at the ceiling. I don't get them.
After nearly an hour, Yukina came in with a tray of food. "I thought you might be hungry, Hiei-san." She set the tray by the futon and sat down. "Hiei-san . . . Why do you wish to die?"
The Jaganshi stared at his sister for a long moment then looked away. "I have nothing to live for, and I'm tired of living for nothing."
The little Koorime frowned, tears spilling down her cheeks cheeks to clatter on the wooden floor as tear gems. "You won't even live for me? And your friends?" Hiei flinched and didn't respond. "Hiei-san . . . I know that you are my brother."
Hiei's head jerked up and he stared at her, open-mouthed. She knew . . .? A small part of his mind berated him. Of course she knew, you fool! She's not that stupid!
The girl wasn't looking at him. "Do you really hate me so much that you would kill yourself rather than have me as your sister?" Hiei stared at her in total shock. Yukina still refused to look at him, and took his silence badly. "Gomen nasai, Hiei-san!" She rose and hurried toward the door.
No! I can't let her think that! It's not true! I can't cause her pain like that! Hiei grabbed her arm and she stopped. "No . . . I don't hate you, Yukina-chan. I . . ." The fire demon closed his eyes briefly, releasing her. "You're perfect. I don't deserve to even be able to associate with you." Hiei sat back on the futon. "It isn't your fault."
Yukina hugged him. "Oniisan . . . You're my brother! I love you! How could you think that you don't deserve to be my brother? If anything, I don't deserve to be your sister! You're so strong and . . . I'm just weak." At least . . . I thought he was strong . . . But now I don't know. Hiei hesitantly put his arms around her, hugging her loosely. They held each other for a few minutes. Finally, Yukina pulled away. "Oniisan . . . You won't try to hurt yourself again, will you?" Hiei flinched and looked away. "Oniisan . . . Why?"
Hiei was silent for a long time. "My life has no purpose, Yukina. I just feel like . . . like I was only born to suffer and die. Always fighting . . . And I'm so tired of it. I just want it to end."
"Oniisan, you don't have to suffer anymore. We all care about you! You don't have to go back to the Makai. You could stay here and live as a ningen, and not fight!"
It would never work . . . Fighting and suffering always follow me . . . Hiei looked away. "I'm not human, 'Kina . . ."
Yukina hugged him tightly. "Onegai, oniisan . . . Think it over. I don't want to lose you!"
Asking something of me that I don't want to give . . . Hiei smiled weakly. "I'll think about it . . ." Yukina smiled brightly at him and left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Hiei alone with his thoughts. All I want is for this life to end . . . I'm glad that she cares about me, but . . . it doesn't change the fact that I just want to die.
Hiei looked at the food that Yukina had brought with a sigh. He had absolutely no appetite, but he knew that the others would have a fit if he didn't eat at least some of it, so he forced himself to eat half of what was on the tray. Then he pushed the tray away from the futon and lay down, allowing sleep to claim him.
*sing-song* I know where I'm going with this. *leans close* Wanna know? You do? Well . . . it's a secret! *snickers as the Nadia theme rolls in the background* I think I need sleep. Yeah. Second night in a row that my muse has attacked me after midnight. I need to get it to stop being nocturnal.
Chapter Three does not yet exist...
Back to to Chapter One
Back to the Fics Page
Back to the Main Page