My Lover's Gone

By Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: If I were the owner of Gundam Wing, or the lyrics to Dido's My Lover's Gone, I certainly wouldn't be writing this fanfic for free! If you want to sue me for my use (or misuse) of the above, here is a list of what you will win: a beaten up Star Trek novel, 200 Pixie Stix wrappers, and some lesbian romance novels. Not interested? I kinda figured.


My lover's gone
His boots no longer by my door

[I keep expecting him to walk in at any moment, his blue eyes filled with happiness and a smile on his beautiful face. He's three hours late. The mission shouldn't have lasted this long. I know that the others are staring at me as I pace, worried as well. Not only for Quatre, but for me as well. I never show very much emotion, so my worry is rubbing off on them. I'm being selfish, I know. Duo went with Quatre, and Heero is just as worried. He's just showing it in a way other than pacing. He's busy hacking into the OZ information network to try to find out what happened. Wufei is also worried, but not as worried as we are. He's sharpening his katana. The noise is getting on my nerves. Scrape . . . Scrape . . . Heero finally levels one of his glares at him, and Wufei stops.]

He left at dawn
And as I slept I felt him go

[Quatre had accidentally woken me up as he had been getting ready for the mission early in the morning. Briefly, only. He told me to go back to sleep, and I obeyed. The last I saw thing I saw before falling asleep was his back, exiting the room as he left on the mission. The image is engrained in my mind. I punch the wall, startling both Heero and Wufei. Wufei gets up and makes me sit, then goes into the kitchen, returning with tea. I stare into the cup. As I take a drink, the front door opens, and I choke. Duo runs in, his face flushed. At my immediate and obvious question, his face falls. The mission was a total failure that resulted in Quatre's capture. Deathscythe had been badly damaged and Duo had been forced to retreat. My cup of tea shatters against the wall and I run out the door. I need to save Quatre. I won't give him up so easily. Not him--my love, my happiness. He's the one thing in the world that matters to me, and I will destroy any who hurt him.]

Returns no more
I will not watch the ocean

[Heero and Wufei followed me, joining me in my quest to save Quatre. Duo couldn't come. He was left with the task of cleaning up the safehouse and getting the hell out of there in case OZ managed to extract information from Quatre. He's being tortured, probably at this very second. But my love is too stubborn to give up valuable information. I leave my Gundam miles from the base, camouflaged. I crouch on Wing's shoulder for the rest of the trip. We finally reach the base. It's partially demolished, but not as badly damaged as it should be. Sandrock lay near the edge of the destruction, badly damaged. I jump to the ground and take off as Heero and Wufei attack the base, creating a distraction that will hopefully buy me time to get Quatre out of there.]

My lover's gone,
No earthly ships will ever
Bring him home again
Bring him home again

[The few OZ soldiers that notice me and decide to try to stop me die swiftly. I'm getting worried. Where the hell is Quatre?! He should be able to hear the Gundams attacking and be escaping . . . unless he's unable to escape. The thought makes me move faster. I feel a sense of hopelessness; how can I find him in this huge complex? I have no idea where to even begin to look. Suddenly I Feel something brush my mind . . . Something that Feels very much like Quatre, though it is hard to tell with the amount of pain in the Touch. I catch the direction and hurry toward him. The guards stationed outside the room he's in don't even see me coming; they're dead before they hit the floor. I quickly open the door to find two more guards, whom I easily dispose of. Quatre is hanging shirtless on the wall, his arms shackled above his head and his feet suspended above the floor. I search the bodies for keys, and quickly unshackle him, catching him gently.]

My lover's gone
I know that kiss will be my last

[His eyes open as I gently cradle him in my arms. He smiles at me weakly, then winces. I gently caress his cheek with my palm, giving him the smile that is reserved for him only. He shivers, and I check his injuries, which do not seem to be serious, though he probably has internal injuries. I kiss his lips gently. "I'm going to get you out of here, koi. Just hold on." A small moan escapes him as I gather him in my arms and run toward the exit. I run from the building and Zero immediately destroys the structure then lowers a hand for me to climb onto. Wufei is towing Sandrock. Heero takes us back to Heavyarms and I gently strap Quatre into the harness with me and we start toward the new safehouse.]

No more his song
The tune upon his lips has passed

[I frown as I hear Quatre's labored breathing and lean around him to look at him. His face is very pale--much paler than it should be--and his eyes are closed. His head lolls back against my shoulder. "Quatre?" His blue eyes open partially. "Quatre, you have to stay awake."

[He smiles at me brightly. "I can't . . ." He presses his forehead against my neck. "I love you, Trowa . . ." I have the strangest feeling, fleetingly, that this is the last time I will ever hear his voice. He lightly kisses my cheek and I feel his eyelashes brush the side of my face as his eyes close.

[I immediately drop the controls, gently trying to wake him. "Quatre! You have to wake up!" But he doesn't listen. He's stopped breathing. "No . . ." I try to resuscitate him, but it doesn't work. And--for the first time since I was a child--I cry.]

I sing alone
While I watch the ocean

[Heero ended up towing me back, because I couldn't pilot. The safehouse is a beach house. Quatre is laid out on the couch, his angelic beauty only accented by the paleness of death. His body . . . Not Quatre. Quatre is gone. I can't take this. I failed him. I promised I would always protect him; that I would never let anyone hurt him. I broke that promise. I sit with my back to the empty shell that was Quatre, staring out the window at the ocean. At the waves. I would do anything to have him back. To hear his laugh. To hear his heartbeat. But nothing can grant that wish. I could always take the easy way out and follow him into death, but I know he wouldn't want that. Nor would he want me to seek revenge. This is war. War destroys lives. How many families have we devastated? Perhaps this was fated to happen. "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

["Ecclesiastes, 3:1-8." I turn to see Duo standing behind me with a somber look on his face. "Also known as the song Turn! Turn! Turn! by the Byrds."

[I nod. "Quatre loved those old songs." I sigh. "It's hard to believe he's gone." Duo just nods, silent for once. "I'm going to take him home. To the Maguanacs. We'll bury him there, where he'll be remembered as a hero." Duo smiled slightly and nodded.]

My lover's gone
No earthly ships will ever
Bring him home again
Bring him home again


I dislike this fic intensely, but I've found that people tend to like the stuff I write that I hate. That and the fact that I'm way too self-depreciating when it comes to my work convinced me to post this . . .

On to Chapter Two


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