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[We see a large void of swirling colors. On some sort of invisible floor, there are two recliners, one blue, one purple. Lounging in these comfortable-looking chairs are two girls. One is tall with short dark-auburn hair, dressed in skin-tight Daisy-Dukes and a skin tight "I love Chichiri-sama" tank top. The other is shorter with long golden-brown hair, dressed in wide-legged jeans and a skin-tight "I love Tasuki-sama" tank top. Both have slightly crazed looks on their faces.]
Redhead: ...And I'm Thayet D’Ragon...
Both: [in unison] ...And we’ll be your guides through this interview!!!
Bara: [mutters] Kuso!! I never thought that I'd say something so corny!
Thayet: [hits Bara on back of head and whispers] Chill!! Y'know, people are reading everything you're saying.
Bara: [gives totally clueless Barbie(tm) look] Oh, yeah. [the Barbie(tm) Song by Aqua starts playing in the background]
Thayet: [mutters] Ningen no baka!! [speaks normally] Y'know, you just violated about a dozen copyrights with that look.
Bara: [looks confused] O~kay...Whatever. [music stops as she turns away from Thayet and totally ignores her, talking to the imaginary audience] Hi! We're going to be interviewing some of the YuYu Hakusho characters, so that everyone here can feel just a little bit closer to our stars.
Thayet: [brightens] Say, can we bring in Youko Kurama first?
Bara: [gives her a strange look] Why?
Thayet: [grins] 'Cause I wanna get a lot...er...a little bit closer to him. Can we say 'beefcake'?! He is soooo hot!! [fakes a swoon, then sits up straight] I've always wondered if Youko Kurama is as good as his reputation...^_~
Bara: [snorts in amusement] Why don't you ask Hiei? You've read all the yaoi fics. In fact, you're writing one yourself. They're probably true.
Thayet: [shrieks hysterically] NO!! Those are just stories!! [shudders violently for a moment, then is still] Besides, aren't most youko bi, since most of 'em don't have a clearly defined sex? Or tri or whatever? The last youko I met was... [trails off, evidently noticing that she's not alone, and looks at Bara and 'audience'] I mean...um... [grins sheepishly]
Bara: [sweatdrops, then turns away from the momentarily silent and totally insane Thayet] O~kay...Anyway, for safety reasons, we've decided to interview our stars in pairs. First up, we have Hiei the fire demon, and Youko Kurama!
Thayet: [claps her hands] YAY!!!
Hiei: [unsheaths his katana] Ittai koko wa doko nan da?
Kurama: [glances around at his strange surroundings] Surimasen, Hiei. [spots Bara and Thayet] Hajimemashite, minna.
Thayet: [cheerily] Irrashaimase, Kurama and Hiei!
Bara: [glances among the three, then whips out her trusty Japanese-to-English dictionary] What the hell are you guys saying?! Speak English, dammit!!
Thayet: Ooooh!! He looks even better in person...I mean youko. [grins evily and licks lips]
Kurama: [backs away from the wildly grinning female] Um...are you okay?
Thayet: [lunges] I will be.
Kurama: [barely manages to dodge Thayet] Eeep!! [changes into a nine-tailed silver-furred kitsune and hides behind Hiei, whimpering]
Thayet: [moves toward Hiei, intent on getting Kurama] You're mine!!
Hiei: [gets an extremely dangerous look in his eyes; black flames shoot up around his right arm and down the katana] Hmph. You wish.
Bara: [jumps from her seat and backs away from the three] Um...Thayet-chan...I don't think that's such a good idea...
Thayet: [evidently regains some of her common (or uncommon, as the case may be) sense and backs up, eyes wide] No...that's all right, Hiei-san. I really don't need to be personally introduced to the Kokuryhurra...
Hiei: [doesn't look convinced; the bandages around his arm are burned away and a black dragon tatoo entwined around his arm prepares to strike] Hn.
Kurama: [changes into Minamino Shuuichi and places a restraining hand on Hiei's shoulder, shaking his head]
Hiei: [glances at Kurama and reluctantly stiffles the flames and settles the dragon, even though it's obvious that he'd rather toast Thayet]
Bara: [warily resumes her position in the recliner, carefully watching the other three for any signs of further mayhem] O~kay, now that that's been settled...hopefully...we can get back to the show.
Kurama: [sighs with relief, from where he is rebandaging Hiei's arm] Thank Inari-sama.
Thayet: [takes her place in the blue recliner, beside Bara's purple one] Go ahead, guys. Have a seat.
Hiei: [suspiciously] Hn.
Thayet: [grins] I just love hammerspace! It's so...useful.
Hiei: [reluctantly sits down on extremely comfortable-looking loveseat]
Kurama: [changes back into his kitsune form and curls up in Hiei's lap]
Hiei: [begins to pet Kurama]
Kurama: Purrrrrr...
Hiei: [narrows his eyes] What are you laughing at?!
Hiei: [stands up, causing Kurama to fall to the floor; fire flares up around him]
Bara: [stands up and backs away slowly] Sorry...
Thayet: [decides to mess with the already-angry fire demon] You looked so gay!! [collapses helplessly in a fit of giggles]
Hiei: [snarls and draws his katana, swinging it at Thayet] Shut up, bitch!!
Thayet: [pulls out her no dati and blocks the blow, moving as fast as Hiei] No.
Hiei: [swings again] Die, ningen!!
Thayet: [smiles as she easily blocks his blows] Who said I was human? You're going to have to do better than that!!
Kurama: [now in his youko form, looks at Bara] You aren't human?
Bara: [snorts] I'm human; an accident of birth, I assure you. But Thayet-chan...I never was sure about her. [gestures toward the high-speed fight] Now...I guess it's safe to assume that she's not.
Kurama: [nods, watching the fight] This looks like it's going to take a while. [he sits on the loveseat] So...I know Thayet-san likes me...what about you?
Bara: [grins ruthlessly] You're cute, but, personally, I prefer Hiei-san. I like short guys...not to mention those kawaii fangs!!
Kurama: [grins despite himself] Don't let him hear you say that...
Bara: [snorts] I'm not as stupid as some ningens. He'd end up killing me!! [laughs] Oh...It's a good thing Shakira-chan's not here. She'd -
Unidentified Female: Hey...Bara-chan...Thayet-chan...you guys can't hide from me!! I found you!!
Bara: [pales] Uh-oh! It's Shakira-chan!
Shakira: [waves] Hi Bara-chan! [notices Kurama] How the hell did he get here?!
Bara: [sheepishly] Um...we're...I mean...I'm interviewing Kurama-san. [grins with evil intent and points to the two fighting, unidentifiable figures] Thayet-chan's interviewing Hiei-san...sort of...
Shakira: [stares at her for a moment, uncomprehendingly] Hiei-san's here?! [she runs to the two fighters, pounces on the one in black (Hiei, of course) and smothers him with kisses]
Bara: [sweatdrop] I didn't think she'd go that far...
Thayet: [outraged] She just GLOMPED my opponent!!
Kurama: [super-huge sweatdrop] Oh, k'so. We're going to have a mess on our hands...
Hiei: Get off me, dammit!! [realizes that she's not going to listen and burns her to a charred cinder]
Bara: [turns to a shocked-looking Kurama] I told you so!!
Hiei: [stands up, face purple with a combination of rage and lipstick; he futily tries to wipe the purple smears from his face and succeeds only in smearing it more] DAMN NINGENS!!!
Bara: [observantly] I think he's pissed.
Hiei: [sarcastically] What was your FIRST clue?!
Thayet: [stands there looking at the cinder that used to be Shakira] My sister... [she blinks, then looks up with a cheery, sort-of-insane expression on her face] Oh well.
Bara: [nonchalantly] Oh, goody. The Nyan Nyans are here to fix Shakira-chan...
Hiei: [screams at her] WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'FIX'?! I KILLED HER!!!!!
Bara: [evil grin] Not for long...
Thayet: [turns to Bara angrily] Hey!! I thought this was only going to be Yu Yu Hakusho!!
Bara: [grins sheepishly] I never agreed to that!!
Thayet: [infuriated] FINE!! [Sage of the Ronin Warriors appears, looking confused] I'm bringing Sage into this too!!
Bara: [shrugs] Like I care?
Sage: [glances around] O~kay...where the hell am I?!
Thayet: [walks over to him] We don't really know. Weird, isn't it?
Sage: [continues to look at his strange surroundings] Yeah...I guess... [looks at her and immediately starts flirting] Who're you, beautiful?
Thayet: [seductively] I'm Thayet...Thayet D'Ragon. Hello, Sage of Halo.
Sage: [jumps back a few feet, crouching in a defensive position] How...how did you know that?!
Thayet: [shrugs] It doesn't matter... [walks towards him] I've admired you for a long time... [kissed him long and passionately, using a lot of tongue]
Sage: [fights her iron grip...] Mmmph!! [...for a few seconds, then surrenders to the delicious sensation, beginning to kiss her back]
Bara: [looks at her watch, tapping her foot impatiently] O~kay...I guess Thayet-chan doesn't want to interview Hiei-san and Kurama-san... [she shrugs and grins] Goody!! That means I get to!!
Nyan Nyans: [jump up and down] We fixed...fixed fixed good!!! [they see the bandages on Hiei's arm and start bouncing toward him] We fix your arm!! Make it good as new!!
Hiei: [snarls and (once again) burns through his bandages] ENSATSU KOKURYHURRA!!! [dragon rips itself from his arm and roars toward the small, annoying creatures] Like hell!!
Nyan Nyans: Eeeeeepppp!! [one-by-one the squeaky little voices are snuffed out, and a soft rain of ashes floats to the floor as the dragon dissapates]
Hiei: [gets a smug, satisfied look on his face] Hn.
Bara: [grins] Cool!!
Kurama: [moves to Hiei and rebandages his arm, then frowns at Bara] Don't encourage him...
Shakira: [gets up, now fully clothed]
Hiei: [watches Shakira-chan warily]
Shakira: [ignores Hiei and sees the half-dressed couple on the couch] Hey!! No fair!! [starts to whine] She gets to have Sage-san here!! I want Rowen-san!!
Bara: [shrugs] O~kay...fine... [waves her arm; there is a flash of light and a pop and the confused-looking blue-haired boy suddenly appears in the room] All yours. [puts her hands on her hips] Now leave me alone so I can do the 'phrackin' interview!!
Rowen: [looks around and spots Sage on the couch, not noticing what the blonde is doing] Sage-kun!! Where are w - uh... [he stutters as he sees the blonde's preoccupation, his face turning a brilliant shade of red that clashes horribly with his blue hair]
Sage: [looks up from where he'd been buried in Thayet's chest and grins] Oh...Hi Ro!!
Thayet: [cheerily] Hi Rowen!! [Pulls Sage's face to her mouth for a long, sweet kiss]
Shakira: [smiles cunningly] Hello, Rowen-san of the Strata.
Rowen: [has much the same reaction as Sage did when Thayet identified him by his armor] Who are you?!
Shakira: [sashays over to him] You don't know me...yet... [lunges]
Rowen: [yelps and hides behind Bara]
Shakira: [lunges again, intending to go through Bara to get to Rowen. A brick wall appears in front of her and she runs into it, cracking her head. She falls unconscious to the floor. The brick wall disappears]
Bara: [laughs, dusting off her hands] It seem that Shakira-chan isn't having much luck with guys today.
Rowen: [falls to his knees before her] Thank you for saving me!! [kisses her feet]
Bara: [jumps away from him, growling] That's it!! This is getting out of hand!! Not that I mind cute guys worshipping me, but still...
Thayet: [falls unelegantly to the floor, shirtless] Ooof!! [sits up rubbing back] Hey!! That hurt!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop]
Hiei: [sweatdrop]
Bara: [calmly crosses arms] Aren't you missing something?
Thayet: [looks down] Yeah. My shirt...So?
Kurama: [sweatdrop gets bigger]
Hiei: [sweatdrop gets bigger]
Bara: [sighs in disgust and gives Thayet a Look]
Thayet: [sighs; a very skimpy bikini top appears on her, barely managing to conceal her cleavage]
Kurama: [sweatdrop gets even bigger]
Hiei: [sweatdrop grows so large that it practically obscurs his small body]
Thayet: [grins at their reaction] Tee hee...
Bara: [loses temper] Dammit, Thayet!! Stop screwing around!! [gestures toward Hiei and Kurama] You're scaring our guests!!
Hiei: [growls angrily, baring his teeth at Bara, but says and does nothing]
Thayet: [sighs defeatedly (or so it seems); a skin-tight Hiei-style black muscle shirt appears in place of the bikini top. Thayet gets a frighteningly insane look in her eyes] There!! Happy?!
Hiei: [looks down at what he's wearing, shoots Thayet the Look of Death, and pull out his katana, ready and perfectly willing to strike] Grrr...
Kurama: [sweatdrop continues to grow at an alarming rate]
Bara: [threateningly] Thayet-chan...
Thayet: [groans] Oh, fine... [the muscle shirt is replaced by her skin-tight "I love Chichiri-sama" tank top. She purses her lips in a pout] You never let me have any fun!!
Hiei: [resheaths his katana] Kisama!!
Thayet: [directs her slightly-insane, evil grin at the small fire demon] Do you really want me to go into that?
Hiei: [gets her hidden meaning, snarls, and throws a fireball at her] DIE, NINGEN!!!
Thayet: [easily dodges] How many times do I have to tell you; I'm NOT human!! Are you slow or something?
Hiei: [totally loses it; lets out a scream of rage and lunges, katana out] FUCK YOU!!!!
Thayet: [pulls out her trusty no dati and easily blocks the blow] Sorry to disappoint you, but that job's saved for someone else. Vertically challenged guys just don't turn me on.
Kurama: [sweatdrop envelopes entire body]
Hiei: [snarls and really goes at her]
Bara: [sighs] This interview is going to take forever!! [she sits in her recliner] She always does this!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop disappears; he changes into a silver-furred, nine-tailed kitsune, jumps into Bara's lap and curls up]
Bara: [looks surprised for a minute, gets over it, and starts to scratch the fox-thief's belly] O~kay...
Kurama: [stretches and falls asleep] Zzzzz...
Bara: [sits up straight, waking Kurama, who jumps off and changes into his youko form] How'd Chichiri-san get here?! [pauses and turns to the probable culprit] THAYET-CHAN!!!!
Thayet: [stops moving, holding Hiei in a headlock] Nani?!
Hiei: [muffled curses]
Kurama: [sweatdrop]
Bara: [angrily] You brought Chichiri-san here, didn't you?!
Thayet: [looks confused] No...
Bara: [looks startled] Then how did he...
Chichiri: [interrupts] I'll answer that no da. Taiits-kun sent me to find her Nyan Nyans no da.
Bara: [grins] Well, you found them.
Chichiri: [looks confused] Doko no da?
Bara: [grin widens as she points to the ashes scattered on the floor] There.
Chichiri: [pales] But...how did you...[he trails off as he catches sight of the fuming Hiei in Thayet's headlock and puts a hand to his forehead] ...Oro no da.
Kurama: Hello, Chichiri-kun.
Chichiri: Hello, Kitsune-kun no da. What happened no da?
Kurama: [looks embarrassed] The Nyan Nyans got Hiei mad.
Chichiri: [nods as if that explains everything (which it does)] Oh no da.
Bara: [yells at Thayet] Thayet-chan!! Let him go!!
Thayet: [grins evily] Not until I tickle him!!
Kurama: [sweatdrop] Oh, k'so...
Chichiri: [sweatdrop] Hentai no da!!
Hiei: [eyes widen, and he squirms desperately] LEMME GO!!!
Bara: [tries desperately not to laugh, for fear of her life] He'll kill you if you do that!!
Thayet: [evil grin widens and she lets out a crazy-sounding, high-pitched giggle] He's been trying to do that since he got here, and he can't!!
Hiei: [snarls and somehow manages to wrench out of her grip] I'LL DESTROY YOU!!!! [flames flare up around him as he prepares to unleash his dragon again]
Kurama: [grabs his shoulder] Don't, you'll die!! [sighs] Besides, if you kill her, we might never get home. [gestures at Bara] She's only human, so she can't send us back...
Bara: [indignantly] Hey!! I never said that I was totally human...
Kurama: [stared at her] Y-you mean...you're part youkai?!
Bara: [grins mysteriously] Maybe...
Hiei: [smiles dangerously] That means I can kill her!! [prepares to toast Thayet, who has been watching the goings-on with an extremely amused look on her face]
Bara: [turns to him] No, it doesn't... [grins evily] I never actually said that I would send you home; I merely stated that I could...
Chichiri: [interrupts] I will get you home no da. [sets kesa on floor and gestures for Hiei and Kurama to get on it] Come on no da!!
Chichiri: [looks surprised] What...what happened no da? It's not working no da!!
Thayet: [puts her hands on her hips] You're not going anywhere...at least not on that bubbly-blankey...
Chichiri: [notices the slogan on Thayet's chest, sweatdrops, and looks extremely frightened] Oh, no no da!! Another crazy fan no da!!
Thayet: [smirks] Oh, did I scare you, Chichiri-san...C'mere and mommy'll make it all better...
Chichiri: [turns chibi and hides behind Kurama] Save me no da!!
Hiei: [rolls his eyes and pulls out his katana, muttering obsceneties not-quite-under-his-breath] Why do I have to do everything around here?!
Thayet: [smiles] Ah, ah, ah!! You kill me or Bara-chan and you'll be stuck here forever...
Hiei: [pauses, clearly considering it]
Kurama: [gives Hiei a stern look] Hiei...
Hiei: [growls and reluctantly stiffles the flames] Hn.
Bara: [cheerily] Besides...you can't leave until we do the interview!!
Hiei: [snarls at her, then sits on the loveseat, fuming and muttering stuff under his breath] I hate ningens...fucking ningens...I swear I'll kill 'em all someday...Except Kurama...and his family...and maybe Yuusuke...
Thayet: [whispers to Bara] Now he's talking to himself...what next?
Bara: [rolls her eyes, then grins with evil intent] Hey, Thayet-chan, let's bring Tasuke-san here!!
Thayet: [matches her grin] Yeah!! And Tamahome too, so we can watch 'em fight!!
Bara: You read my mind... [grin widens] Goody!! [waves her arm]